So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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