the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
