watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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