I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize