So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
She has the best kind of daddy issues
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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