Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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