The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I look better un-naked...
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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