So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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