Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
