Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize