Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
