i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
