how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
