Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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