Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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