I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
