Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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