woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize