We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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