I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
