Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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