Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize