I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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