it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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