I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
We left an ass print on the piano.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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