All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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