Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
