Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
