Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
