I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize