do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
