i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
