he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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