I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Randomize