You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
