umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I have aggressive nipples.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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