Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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