If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
