The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
