dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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