My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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