saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Randomize
