Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
