even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
