It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
