dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
