Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I could fuck to npr.
Randomize
