she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
