Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I wish there were birth control emojis
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
