my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
