smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
