dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
