I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
