I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Boobs are out for the taking
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
