YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I just cut my nipple shaving
I need to stop coming to work sober
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
