why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Holy sore nipples Batman
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
