I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
