i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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