wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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