note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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