Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize