so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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