His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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