I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
